Ep.1/ My Personal Period Recovery Journey

May 18

In Episode 1 of the Period Recovery Podcast, I want to share my own personal recovery story from a missing period (Hypothalamic Amenorrhea (HA).

I share:

How I lost my period
How birth control was masking my missing period
How I got my period back & conceived
My personal journey with disordered eating & over exercising
What my life looks like now having a regular period & balance with food & exercise

I hope you take away little bits of information & inspiration to help you on your period recovery journey.

LISTEN NOW:

Hi, guys, and welcome to the very first episode of the period recovery podcast. And today is going to be a unique podcast recording because I thought it's important for you guys to know a little bit more about me who I am, what I do, and my story. So let's dive in. So it all started for me back when I came off birth control. And that was about 1112 years ago. And it was about around the time I was getting married. And so I was put on birth control as a young girl probably around the age of 15 for irregular periods. And so flashforward, it was the year I got engaged, and I thought, well, maybe I should come off the pill. I just had this feeling that what was going on with me, female hormone wise, was going to be an issue for me in the future. And I was right. So I came off the pill, right about before I got married. And I felt good. I felt better. So I thought and so I waited for my period to come. And I didn't went to the doctors, the doctor said, Well, that's normal, come back in three months. And so I came back still no period. And then at the time, I was like, Well, I'm going to be getting married soon. So I better just go on the pill because I don't want a surprise period. And so I went back on the pill for my wedding came back off, because I figured I might want kids in the near future. I wanted to make sure everything was working. Okay, so come back off the pill, still no period, the doctor tells me this is normal. And to come back again. And if I don't get a period, we'll go back on birth control to kickstart my period. So I did that again. And but I was going on my honeymoon. So I was like I don't want a surprise period. And little did I know, I wasn't going to get a period ever, unless I change a lot of stuff. So for the next five years on and off, I dealt with anxiety. I dealt with, oh my gosh, I'm never going to be able to have kids. Whereas my period, this is not normal. Countless doctors, countless professionals, countless supplements. I tried all the things, and still nothing. So finally, four or five years into it, I found a doctor that diagnosed me with something called hypothalamic amenorrhea. And what that is, is pretty much your body has shut down your sex hormones because it doesn't feel safe enough. And what do I mean by that? And what was making my body feel so unsafe? Well, it was because I was not eating enough. And I was exercising up to like two hours a day every day. And when I got that diagnosis as a dietitian, I knew about it. But here's the thing. What I was taught in college was that hypothalamic amenorrhea, I'm going to call it AJ for short, is something that happens to women that have eating disorders or are athletes and I didn't fit the description of either. So I had a hard time digesting that a really hard time because I grew up thinking eating healthy exercising daily is what health is being a certain body weight. Having a flat stomach is what health is. So when the doctor told me that I said, that's impossible. I don't have an eating disorder. My BMI is normal. I exercise daily and I eat enough because I'm not losing any weight. Well, my doctor said you need to cut out the intense exercise and eat more. And I was just baffled by it. So I decided to do my research. And now this is over 10 years ago, there was no book out there. You know the book, no period. Now what if you don't know it? It's a great book to have. And there was nothing there was no research, no evidence saying that if you ate more and you read lasted more, that your period would return and so would your fertility and you'd be able to conceive. So I dealt with that for a little bit. Like this can't this doesn't sound like me. But as time went on, and I realized that that really could be me, I was very restrictive with what I ate. I didn't miss a day at the gym, no matter if I was injured, sick. I was there. And I did want to say no mention, through those many years of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I was misdiagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, which I won't get into much right now. But many women with missing periods are often diagnosed with PCOS. And we'll save that for another episode. But that diagnosis drove me deeper into a missing period with controlling what I was eating and exercising. That left me even deeper in a hole when I found out what I actually had was ha and then I had to eat more unrest more, quit the gym. And I thought, oh my gosh, like, this can't be this is who I am. I'm one of the top athletes at my CrossFit gym. What are people going to think if I just stopped going to the gym? What are people going to think if I gain weight? How much weight am I going to have to gain? Will I ever stop gaining weight? What if this doesn't work? These are all things that crossed my mind. So frequently. And I grew up before I even went on the pill in an amazing family. I'm an only child. And it was my mom and I growing up and she was a healthy eater, quote unquote, healthy eater. And she was just following what her parents taught. And now let me tell you, my mom, let me eat anything and everything. If I wanted cake for breakfast, if I wanted pop tarts for dinner, or like she allowed me to have whatever I wanted, there was never like Cynthia, you can't eat this, you shouldn't eat this, you should exercise or have a certain amount of calories. However, I did see her counting calories and exercising, it starts that it starts as a kid because you see what your parents are doing. You hear what your grandparents are saying. The thoughts that you have right now were given to you at a younger age than you are now. So when I got to high school, I went on my very first diet. And then in college, I became a dietician. So I had to fit the bill of the healthy one. I mean, everyone judged what I ate. Talk about being super judged. I know people probably comment on what you eat, but oh my gosh, oh, you're eating that you're eating this. So I felt like I was constantly in the public eye with what I was eating. And so it came to a point when I figured out what was wrong, I was exercising too much and I wasn't eating enough. And I thought, well, shame on me for not knowing this. But honestly, in college, and I hope this is different now if there's any dietitians or dietitians to be listening, that are just starting out that they're teaching you more in school that calories in versus calories out isn't like the simple equation, what my body was actually doing at 1500 calories and eating maybe a cheap quote unquote, cheap food here and there. And exercising two hours a day, my body was in survival mode, it was holding on to all my weight for a survival mechanism. And I didn't know that at the time, because I was just taught growing up through college that what you eat, if you burn more, you lose weight. It's just a simple equation. And it doesn't work that way when you're in that much of an energy deficit. And might I add things start to shut down like your sex hormones. My digestion was off. Talk about anxious. Now. I always thought I was an anxious person. But it was really only because I wasn't eating enough. And I was exercising too much leaving my body in this fight or flight mode to where all it could do was think about food. And here I thought I was crazy because all I did was think about food. And in all actuality. It was just because I was hungry. It was my body's way of just saying like Get me some food girl. I am hungry. So how did I get my period back? That is the question. Right? Well, how did you recover Cynthia? When I got that diagnosis, it took me a while to kind of come to terms with that. And then finally I said Okay, I gotta let myself eat. I gotta let myself rest I quit the gym. I told some of my closer for As why I was quitting the gym, the other people, I didn't say anything. And I worried like, what are they going to think Cynthia's gaining all this weight. But I said my health is more important. My future fertility and at that point was five plus years of thinking, maybe I might never be able to have any kids. So that was definitely a motivating factor for me. But a missing period is so much more than your fertility. It's your bone health, it's your heart health, it's your cognitive health, your freaking life. Because if you're missing your period, because you're not eating enough, and you're exercising too much, you're not truly living. And I wasn't one of my former clients said to me, I used to feel like a robot. I would wake up, go to the gym, plan my meals, go to work, come home, eat my certain amount of food that I had planned, and then maybe go back to the gym or study. I didn't go out. Gosh, if I was asked to go out to dinner past 8pm, I would be like, Oh, no, you know, I can't because I gotta go to the gym the next day, so I wasn't living. Not at all. And I'm sure it wasn't easy to be around me. And I can tell you how many relationships are crushed, because we are too fixated on our bodies, what we're eating, how we're exercising. And if we're in this energy deficit, our anxiety as it is at an all time high, because that's just how our body stays on high alert, because it thinks it's in survival mode and needs to be on the lookout for food. So I gave up the gym, and I started eating more allowing myself to eat more. But it wasn't easy. I was so afraid of the weight gain. So afraid. Because I just thought it was the most unhealthiest thing to do, how could gaining weight eating more and resting more actually be healthy. And it actually is because health isn't what you look like it is far from it. But it took me a little while to learn that. And if you're listening to this right now, for the first time, just learning about missing periods.
It's a process and it's a day by day journey. But you can reach getting your period back and feeling relaxed around food and exercise. So I gave up the gym, I was eating more dealing with the weight gain, and still was like, what if this doesn't work. And so at that time, five years into this journey, I was scared, I wasn't gonna be able to have kids. So I decided to seek fertility treatment. And it didn't work right away. And I'm a firm believer, it didn't work for a reason, because my body still wasn't fully recovered. Now, fertility treatment isn't a, you know, 100% guarantee, if you have a missing period, you're going to get pregnant. If your body is still feeling in this unsafe place where there's not enough food to support a growing child, it's not going to happen. And so it was around, I think, six months into it, my third round, I finally said The heck with this, I'm not worrying about the weight gain anymore. I'm not worrying about what I'm eating because I still was a little bit. I picked up intuitive eating now more than just the hunger fullness, Intuitive Eating is more of a mindset behind food. And I adopted that mindset versus Okay, I need to stop when I'm full and eat when I'm hungry. Because at this point, I was on diets for so damn long that my body had no idea when it was hungry and when it was full. So it was more of a mindset than anything. And I did that and then went on some yoga retreats, got into meditation really started looking inward. And instead of always searching for maybe this supplement, maybe this is going to help me maybe that's going to help me that I said, Maybe I can help myself. And I did. And I got pregnant with a beautiful baby boy, I delivered him full term was able to breastfeed him for over a year. And about at that year mark, I got my first natural cycle back, which was so exciting because I questioned I'm like, should I stop breastfeeding to see if my periods gonna return because I'm like, Oh my gosh, maybe my period won't return. Maybe, you know, this is gonna be like this forever. And so it returned 12 months postpartum. And I truly, truly owe that all to the recovery that I started before pregnancy, the recovery that I did during pregnancy, allowing myself to eat and move when I felt you know, up to it. and postpartum, not letting breastfeeding. burning those calories take precedent over the time when my newborn, and I wasn't worried about fitting back into my pre pregnancy jeans, or all the pressures that are put on pregnant women nowadays. So got my cycle back, I was so excited. It was the most exciting day today after delivering my son, and finding out that I was pregnant with him. And then three regular cycles later, I end up conceiving, I conceived, not really knowing that it could be that easy to conceive. And so I've been on both sides of the spectrum of not ever knowing that, I'd be able to have any kids to literally sneezing and getting pregnant. And I want you to know that it is hard when you feel that you might never be able to have kids. But if you're listening to my story, and you can relate to the exercising relate to the healthy eating and relate to all this that it's a quick and simple fix. Yes, easier said than done. Eating more, resting more, working on your fears behind weight gain is what is going to bring you your fertility back, and your period back and most importantly, your overall health back. So after baby number two, the rest is really history. And during that time, a baby number two, I thought to myself, I don't ever want to see any other woman struggle as hard as I did struggle for as long as I did, and then come out potentially empty handed. Because she wasn't able to address why she felt the way she was about dieting and about exercising, and getting to those underlying reasons why. And a lot of times that has to do with our self worth. And so I made it my mission. And I couldn't be happier with what I do each day. In and out with all the women, I've come across hundreds of women dealing with this, and I'm sure millions more that don't even know this is an issue. It's not talked about a lot. Because a lot of physicians don't know about it. And just like you and I, physicians, doctors, they're regular people. And they don't know everything about everything. Just like I as a dietitian, if you ask me something about how to treat kidney disease in, you know, nutrition, I wouldn't really be able to tell you off the top of my head. And I'm no expert. And so just like a lot of doctors that are not experts in specific specialty areas like Ha so I am beyond thrilled. Beyond honored to serve women across the world, dealing with ha with truly getting healthy, restoring their fertility, and feeling more comfortable and relaxed around food and exercise. And truly finding their health and getting their life back. Because if you can relate to not you know going out to eat because you can't because you have to go to the gym or because you don't know what you're going to eat or how much you're going to eat and how you'll have to burn it off or avoiding social situations or just worrying about you know, starting in March because summer starts in June, how you're going to get your bikini body and how you need to, you know, fit in that bridesmaid's dress or whatever? And what are people going to think if you're not, you know, the same fit girl that you you always have been. And you know, if you can relate to any of this, then this podcast is going to 100% V for you. And I am beyond thrilled to share all this messaging that's out there that isn't talked about as much as it should be. And be able to provide you with education, inspiration information, and really feel more relaxed and confident in your period of recovery journey. Have confidence you've come to the right place to find all things ha related and beyond because guess what? After you get your period back, you still have to get your second period your third period confirm your ovulation because without ovulation you can get a monthly period every month. But if you're not ovulating, your hormones are not working at the optimal level, I can tell you how much my life has changed from where I was 10 years ago to now, I can tell you until you're blue in the face, I can tell you all the positives of being able to show up as being a mom more being able to show up as a partner, as a friend, having fun again, and not being clouded with the everyday thoughts of how many calories is in this?
How much am I going to have to work out to burn this off? What if I do all this and my period doesn't come back, there's, I know a million thoughts going through your head. And just imagine, if you were to count how many times a day you have thoughts around food, body nutrition, period recovery, you'd be surprised. And imagine taking all those times, countless hours, days years. And being able to get that time back to do things that are more meaningful in Your Life, Your World, Your life, the opportunities are limitless. And I can tell you, and my clients can tell you that the feeling of full recovery, getting your period back and finding the ultimate balance with food and exercise is literally indescribable. And they tell me, and I can attest to this myself that I'm finally living again. And not only am I living, I know my period is going to show up every single month. I know when I'm ovulating. I know when it's the best time to do certain exercises as you start to regain regular cycles. So my hope is that you leave this podcast feeling empowered and inspired to get your period back, restore your fertility. If that's what you desire right now, or your future fertility, and maintain regular healthy periods for life. I want you more to get your period back. But what I really want for you is to get your life back. Come with me as we journey through many interviews with professionals, past clients of mine their stories, and all things related. Ha. Come on ladies, let's dive in. I really hope you were able to connect with some of my story and have some hope that period of recovery is 100% possible for you. Hi, guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please take a moment to think and reflect on how this could be helpful in your period recovery journey. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to the period recovery podcast. We know there are a lot of pods out there and I'm so excited and grateful you're here listening with me. If you need more support on your period recovery journey, schedule a time to chat with me on my website, period nutritionist.com. If you found this podcast helpful, please help me spread awareness on missing periods by subscribing, leaving a review and sharing this podcast with others. Are you ready to get your period back and your life back? I'll see you in two weeks.