I Completed Memorial Day Murph Again After 13 Years But This Time, I Had My Period Back
For the first time in 13 years, I completed Memorial Day Murph again.
It felt so different, in the best ways.
If you’ve been around my story for a while, you know I used to be deeply involved in the world of CrossFit. Back then, I trained hard. Really hard. But if I’m being truthful, I didn’t start CrossFit for the love of fitness or performance or community.
I started because I wanted the body.
I saw the lean, muscular women doing these workouts and thought, If I work hard enough, maybe I’ll finally look like that too.
So I threw myself into it. And every Memorial Day, I would complete Murph, the infamous workout honoring Lieutenant Michael Murphy consisting of a 1-mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 squats, and another 1-mile run.
At the time, Murph wasn’t just a workout to me.
It was permission.
Permission to eat the burger.
Permission to have dessert.
Permission to stop obsessing over food for one single day.
Because when you’re stuck in the cycle of hypothalamic amenorrhea (HA), missing periods, overexercise, and food obsession, your entire life starts revolving around earning your food.
Every bite becomes a calculation.
Did I work out enough?
Did I burn enough?
Did I “deserve” this meal?
I didn’t realize it then, but even while I was crushing workouts and looking “fit” on the outside, my body was screaming for help on the inside.
My period was gone. And eventually, I learned why. I had hypothalamic amenorrhea.
The Workout That Once Fed My HA Mindset
Back then, I viewed exercise as a tool to control my body. CrossFit became another way to push harder, ignore hunger cues, and chase a version of myself that was never going to bring me peace.
And while I genuinely loved certain parts of it, especially the gymnastics movements because of my background as a gymnast, the overall relationship I had with exercise was unhealthy.
I wasn’t training from a place of nourishment. I was training from fear.
Fear of weight gain.
Fear of slowing down.
Fear of eating “too much.”
Fear of losing control.
And eventually, my body adapted the only way it knew how.
By shutting down functions that weren’t essential for survival.
Including my menstrual cycle.
Recovering My Period Meant Walking Away
When I finally understood that my missing period was connected to low energy availability, chronic stress, under-fueling, and overtraining, I was devastated.
Like many women with hypothalamic amenorrhea, I thought I was being healthy.
I thought discipline meant ignoring my body. I thought exhaustion was normal.
And after many hard months emotionally, I made the decision to stop CrossFit.
Not forever necessarily. But long enough to actually heal (ps- this was my choice, it is not the only choice)
I needed to learn how to eat without guilt.
Rest without panic.
Move without punishment.
And exist without tying my worth to how my body looked.
At the time, stepping away felt terrifying. But looking back now, it was one of the most important things I ever did for my fertility, hormones, mental health, and future family.
Coming Back to Murph With a Healthy Body and a Healthy Mind
This Memorial Day, one of my friends up the street invited me to do Murph with her and a few others. She’s actually a friend that I supported in healing her irregular cycles. And surprisingly, I said yes.
Not because I wanted to change my body. Not because I needed to “earn” food at the barbecue later.
Not because I was trying to prove something. But because it felt meaningful.
I wanted to honor the reason behind the workout.
I wanted to spend time with friends.
I wanted my boys to see another side of their mom, someone who can work hard and rest hard.
And for the first time in my life, I completed Murph from a fully nourished body.
A body with a regular menstrual cycle.
A body that is fueled.
A body that no longer lives in survival mode.
Was it hard? Absolutely. Am I sore? Definitely.
But it also felt… fun. And honestly, it felt easier this time around because my body actually had energy available to perform.
That part hit me hard. For years, I thought being smaller/leaner meant being fitter. But now I know that true strength comes from nourishment. And PS- my body actually looks more fit than before- its funny how that works when you heal your metabolism.
Healing Hypothalamic Amenorrhea Changes More Than Your Period
One of the most emotional moments for me was seeing my kids watch me do pull-ups. Not because I was trying to impress them.
But because I knew, deep down, that this version of me was healthy. Years ago, I was doing these same workouts while my hormones were crashing, my body was under immense stress, and my fertility was compromised.
This time was different.
This time, my kids saw a mom who eats freely.
A mom who rests.
A mom who moves because she enjoys it.
A mom who has a healthy relationship with food and exercise.
A mom with a healthy menstrual cycle.
I’m so grateful to be that mom.
To the Woman With a Missing Period Reading This
I know how scary hypothalamic amenorrhea recovery can feel. Especially if exercise is who you are !
You may fear:
Losing fitness
Changing body composition
Slowing down
Letting go of control
Never feeling like yourself again
But what I want you to know is this: Getting your period back does not mean losing yourself.
In many ways, it means finally finding yourself underneath all the rules, fear, and exhaustion. Today, I can move my body from a place of joy instead of punishment.
I can enjoy Memorial Day food without calculating how much I “earned.” I can be strong, fueled, fertile, and free.
And after walking through hypothalamic amenorrhea recovery myself, I can honestly say:
That feeling is worth everything.
If you are struggling with a missing period, infertility, or hypothalamic amenorrhea, please know your body is not broken. Your body is adapting to the stress and energy deficit it has been under. Healing is possible, and you do not have to navigate it alone.
At The Period Nutritionist, I help active women regain their periods, restore fertility, fuel properly, and rebuild a healthy relationship with food and exercise, without giving up movement forever.
With love,
Cynthia
